Honoring Your Fellow Man

Basic respect is a fundamental human need. As the highest form of creation, the human being feels dejected when embarrassed, and delighted when respected. Therefore, the sages have stated:[1] “Let the honor of your friend be as dear to you as your own.” The word ‘Kavod’ (honor) comes from the word ‘Kaved’ (heavy), meaning, something that carries a certain level of weight or importance. In other words, your friend’s dignity should ‘weigh heavily’, or have great importance and value in your eyes, it should not be perceived as something light and insignificant, as it says: “Beloved is man (more so than any other creation) for he was created in G-d’s image – this indicates a greater love as it was made known to him that he was created in [G-d’s] image”, as it says:[2] “For in the image of G-d He made man.” This is according to the Mishnah in the Tractate of Avot.[3]

As it happens, your friend who is standing next to you is more exalted and praised than any other element in nature and in the entire universe. He is the crown jewel of creation. Therefore, no importance should be attributed to his outer appearance, his age, his level of intelligence, his style of speech, social status, the amount of money he has at his disposal, his family situation, the color of his skin, the neighborhood in which he lives, his family connections, or any other personal matter – for he is an image of G-d – and as such, he must be respected.

A person who trains himself to be sensitive to his fellow man, and is always careful with the dignity of other people, will be respected himself, as the sages teach in the Mishnah:[4] “Who is honored? One who honors the creations.” On a simple level, this means that a person who respects others will be sincerely respected and appreciated by them in return. However, the deeper meaning is that a person who respects others becomes exalted and honored in his own right – regardless of the treatment he receives from them. Anyone who truly appreciates the value of man as having been created in the image of G-d, then by virtue of his very essence he will be praised and respected. Whereas, someone who belittles others proves that he himself is inferior and senseless since he does not understand the greatness of man.

However, the main difficulty in giving people the proper respect mainly results from the fact that the person thinks of himself as better than others, as he believes that he possesses a certain attribute which his friends do not – for example; wealth, intelligence, physical strength and so on. And as a result of that quality which he possesses, he feels superior to his friends and fails to understand why he must show respect to those who are inferior to him. However, besides for the explanation we gave about his friends having been created in the image of G-d in the same way that he was, he must also train himself to think that his friends possess a virtue which complements his own qualities. And it may very well be that the reason he possesses a certain virtue that his friend lacks is because his friend is more corrected in that area than he is, and if he does not channel the attribute that he was given in the proper way, then the claim against him will be greater than his friend’s, as it says in the Pele Yoetz[5] in the name of the wise:

It is proper to honor every man. One must consider the following: If he is smarter than me, then I must honor him for his wisdom, and if I am smarter than him, then he must be more righteous than me as my sins are intentional (since I am smarter I have a better understanding of the gravity of the sin), while his sins are unintentional. If he is wealthy, then I must honor him for his wealth in the same way the great leaders of Israel, Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi and Rabbi Akiva used to honor the wealthy [6] – ‘for the King [the King of the Universe] desires to honor him [it is for that reason that He has made him wealthy]’. And if I am wealthy and he is poor, it must be that I’m a sinner [in relation to him], as I do not give the proper amount of charity – but he on the other hand is righteous in that respect.’ And in the wonderful words of Nahmanides in his famous letter to his son: ‘Every man should be greater than you in your eyes, no matter if he is rich or poor – you must respect him. And if he is poor and you are wealthier or wiser than him, think in your heart; I am guilty and he is innocent, for if he sins, then it is unintentional (as a result of his ignorance), while my sins are deliberate.’

The Pele Yoetz continues:[7]

It is wrong for people to honor the rich while being lax about honoring the poor. As G-d will fight their battles and demand justice for their shame – for their sorrow is great. And any rich man who smiles to the poor, speaks to them, and gives them respect – is performing a great mitzvah! He is reviving the destitute and bringing joy to grieving hearts. If he has acquaintances who are poor, he must not be ashamed of his friendship with them.

Our sages have added in the Mishnah:[8] “Do not scorn any man, and do not discount anything, for there is no man who has not his hour.” And Maimonides comments on this verse:[9] “Do not embarrass anyone in the world, because a time may come when even you will need the help of an ignoramus, therefore, you should never embarrass anyone.” Our sages are teaching us here, that apart from the esteemed regard we must have towards every person simply for being human, there is also a personal benefit to it. We must remember that someday, the person we deemed ‘inferior’ will have an instance in his life in which he is superior to us in some way, and we may need him. The reason this happens is because of Divine intervention. G-d will raise the ‘second-rate’ individual to greatness and will orchestrate situations that will cause us to need him in some way. Therefore, we should respect every individual and never underestimate anyone.

It is important to emphasize that just as a person is obligated to honor his fellow man, he must respect his students as well. Although a teacher is required to instruct the student to behave properly, preach to him, and rebuke him when he is misbehaving, he is not permitted (same goes for a parent) to embarrass and humiliate him in the process. Instead, he must point out his wrongdoings with the proper approach and remember that this particular student is more sensitive than an average child on the street who is not under the auspices of this teacher.

Therefore, if you have to show him an angry or disappointed look on your face, you must do so without crushing his pride. You may not make humiliating gestures or speak in an embarrassing way by calling him names etc. Instead, rebuke him in the proper way, by respecting the ‘human being’ inside him, and explain what he has done wrong and how he can correct it. One must remember the wording that the sages have adopted in their teachings of the Mishnah:[10] “Let the honor of your student be as dear to you as your own.” Meaning, just as your pride as a human being is dear to your heart, so too, must your student’s pride be dear to your heart. Try putting yourself in his position. Imagine that you are the student and that you are in need of the teacher’s kindness. Remember that even though this student is only one out of a large group of students that you must control and discipline – he is still a person with feelings and a sense of self-importance. An educator who cannot be sensitive in this way towards his students, should not work in the field of education and should consider a new profession.

Finally, it should be mentioned that just because we are required to respect every human being, it does not mean that we must have an unlimited level of trust in everyone because we have to show him respect. Rather, we must respect him as a human being, yet still exercise caution in a polite manner if we do not know him well. We must always consider the possibility that he may be dishonest, as our sages have taught us:[11]

Always suspect a man as guilty but honor him as you would honor Raban Gamliel. Once, Rabbi Yehoshua let a person into his house and gave him food to eat and water to drink. He brought him up to the attic and removed the ladder below it. What did that man do? At midnight, he woke up and stole many of Rabbi Yehoshua’s belongings and possessions and hid them under his clothes. As he was ready to descend, he fell and broke his neck not realizing that the ladder wasn’t there. After Shacharit, Rabbi Yehoshua came and found him injured. Said Rabbi Yehoshua: ‘Foolish! Empty-headed! Is this what people like you do?’ And the guest answered, ‘I did not know you removed the ladder below me.’ The Rabbi answered him, ‘don’t you know that we were cautious with you since last night?’

The wise man who creates a balanced life, integrating the highest level of respect for his fellow man together with the correct measure of self-protection against deceit, will benefit from both worlds and enjoy a good, happy and virtuous life.

Adapted from “The Keys to Life” by Rabbi Zamir Cohen