Do you know the type of girl that’s always ready to help and she’s at your side even before you called for her? This mother may tell everyone about how much her daughter helps. Do you think we needn’t discuss such a good girl? Think again! She may be amazing but you still need to keep an eye on her. Why do I say that? You need to know what her internal motivation for this amazing conduct is.
1) The goodhearted daughter: If she is genuinely good hearted then great! You are lucky and so is she! But sometimes fear is the motivator behind her flawless conduct; she might be afraid to say no. She might be afraid people will be angry at her or reject her if she says no. It may be easier for her to say yes than to be confrontational and she’ll insure her status in the family too.
2) The bossy daughter: You the mother always comes home after the children arrive. The children come home and read or stay busy till you come home and prepare the meal. Meanwhile your big daughter started surprising you by setting up the house and making it ready for mealtime without you even asking her. What a pleasant surprise! You’re quite happy she took this upon herself and you might think about giving her some more responsibilities. Just be careful! The house keeping is really your responsibility. If you see your daughter taking some of the household responsibilities upon herself you may want to make sure she doesn’t envision herself the junior mommy that bosses around the other children. If you find that to be the case you must cut it short and give your daughter clear boundaries.
3) These boundaries aren’t just for her; they’re also to protect your other children. A young girl doesn’t have that motherly love that you have and can’t give it to her siblings. If anything she’ll be overly bossy and strict with them which will harm them and make your home tense.
4) A more common problem is when children refuse to help. There are many reasons why he might always say no. With a group setting, professionals can try to find out why he always refuses to help by getting to the root of the problem. You can help a child stop his or her steady refusal only after you know what the cause is. But this is the topic of another discussion.
Sarah Langzam conducts parenting classes using communication and self-awareness as an educational tool and is a certified ‘one brain method’ practitioner.
She can be reached at: sarahlangzam@gmail.com